englishman / irishman
 

One Day paddy is out for a drive

he pulls alongside a lorry and shouts 'OI DRIVER YOUR LOSING YOUR LOAD!!'

Driver tells him to f**k off

5 miles on he pulls up again and shouts 'OI YOUR STILL LOSING YOUR LOAD!!'

driver still tells him to f**k off

a further 10 miles on paddy pulls up and shouts ' OI DRIVER IM SERIOUS YOUR LOSING YOUR LOAD HONEST!!!'


The driver then turns round and shouts back 'WILL YOU F*#K OFF YOU THICK IRISH T**T IM GRITTING!!!!'

One day paddy volunteers to help his friend repair his car.

Part of this is to replace the lights.

...when they get to the indicators, paddy says "i'll go out back and let you know if they're working".
So paddy goes round to the back of the car and tells his friend to switch them on...

His friend asks if the are working....

Paddy says "yes its working......hold on its gone off now...oh, its back on again...nope, its off again.....on again......off now.................."

LOL did ya see that father ted with the christmas tree ? hahaha

no, wasnt really a father ted fan. we used to have a joke book at work with loads in it.:woot:

Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman (all of whom have young, but nubile, daughters) are sitting in the pub when the conversation comes round to the daughters...

Englishman
"The wife told me that my daughter's room was an untidy mess so I went up and had a look. I found a cigarette packet and was astounded, I did not realise that she smoked".

Scotsman
"Yesterday I was in my daughter's room for a similar reason and I found a half empty bottle of vodka. I was astounded, I did not realise that she drank".

Irishman
"Funny enough, I was in my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of condoms. I was astounded, I did not realise she even had a penis".

:lol:

lol ive heard that but they used it as a blonde joke where a taxi driver asks her to see if the indicators are working and she says yes...no...yes...no etc

4 irish men are talking in a pub, the first one says " my son was born on st patricks day, so i decided to call him patrick".

to which the 2nd replies " yeah, my son was born on st george's day, so we decided to call him george."

hearing this the 3rd agrees " same here, my son was born on st davids day, so me and the wife christened him david."

"thats really strange" replies the fourth. " same happened with my son pancake."

Paddy hears that mick has broken his leg so he pops round to see him, whilst there mick asks him to get his slippers from upstairs, paddy obliges and gets to the top of the stairs and sees micks 2 stunning 19year old twin girls sitting in their room, paddy stands at the door and says to them, your dad has sent me up to sh*g you both, they said we dont believe you now F*ck off, paddy says let me prove it, so paddy shouts down stairs, "both of them mick" and mick replies "of course both of them ya feckin eejit":thumbsup:

thats a cracker !

Love it :thumbsup: