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#1
10-01-2008
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Joke
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Prada suit, Gucci shoes, Dior sunglasses and D+G tie, leans out the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers: "Sure. Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Vodafone cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulae. He uploads all of this data via an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised HP LaserJet printer, turns to the shepherd and says: "You have exactly 1,586 sheep". "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car. Then the shepherd says to the young man "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: "Okay, why not?" "You're a consultant" says the shepherd. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie. "But how did you guess that?" "No guessing required," answers the shepherd. "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you know absolutely nothing about my business... ...now give me back my dog." 
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#6
11-01-2008
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haha
__________________
Custom MG-Racing Associated DMS
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#8
19-01-2008
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A rabbit walks into a butchers shop and asks
Have you got any lettuce? The buthcer says...No, we are a butchers, you want the green grocers next door. ok says the rabbit. Next day the rabbit walks into the butchers...have you got any lettuce? No, we are a butchers. You need the green grocers next door. Next day the rabbit walks into the butchers again....have you got any lettuce? This time the butcher is a bit angry...NO, like I said yesterday and the day before..We are a butchers and you need the green grocer next door. Ok says the rabbit. Next day the rabbit walks into the butchers...have you got any lettuce. the butcher replies...LOOK MATE. THIS IS A BUTCHERS, WE DONT SELL LETTUCE. IF YOU COME IN HERE AGAIN ASKING FOR LETTUCE I WILL NAIL YOU TO THE FECKING WALL. Next day the rabbit walks in: Have you got any nails? NO I BLOODY HAVNT SAYS THE BUTCHER. The rabbit grins....Then have you got any lettuce! (If this has been posted before elsewhere I am sorry but I couldnt be bothered to check before posting)
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Protected By: Anti Spyware, Anti Malware, Anti fartwear, Anti Spam,Aunty June, Pop Up blocker and pop down to the shops blocker
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#9
20-01-2008
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Quote:
The butcher grabs the rabbit takes a hammer and nails the rabbit to the wall directly besides a crucifix. The rabbit turns the head towards Jesus and asks You wanted lettuce too?
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