Chuck Norris

[Northy]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

[Southwell]

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

[Northy]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

[Southwell]

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take s**t from anybody.

[Northy]

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

[Lee]

when chuck norris falls in the water he doesnt get wet, the water gets chuck norris!!

[Northy]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

[KennyClark]

Chuck Norris fired Sir Alan Sugar.

[Belsten]

Chuck Norris, Norris Chuck baaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Northy]

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

[ben]

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

[Northy]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

[Lee]

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one, For Chuck Norris each testicle is larger than the other one



Chuck also sounds like Duck:)

[Chrislong]

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

[Chrislong]

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying “booya”.

[big air]

To much motor cleaner sniffing on here i think :eh?:

[josh_smaxx]

Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul.

[rcracer]

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

[rcracer]

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

[josh_smaxx]

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

[Chrislong]

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis

[rcracer]

Chuck Norris needs a monkey wrench and a blowtorch to masterbate

[Northy]

Chuck Norris once got into a fight with a one-armed Ninja. Seeing that he had an unfair advantage, Chuck Norris ripped both of his arms off and one of his legs. He then roundhouse-kicked the ninja in the head, killing him instantly, and proceeded to sow his limbs back on using only a rusty tent spike and bailing wire.

[Northy]

Chuck Norris enjoys a good practical joke. His favorite is where he removes your lower intestine and pretends to make a balloon animal out of it. Then he cracks your skull open with a Volvo for not complimenting him on his balloon animal.

[josh_smaxx]

Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.

[Northy]

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

[Northy]

Chuck Norris neither melts in your mouth nor in your hand. He shreds your trachea before ravaging your soul with a combination of chocolate, whickey, roundhouse kicks and death. Oh, and pain. Lots of pain.

[josh_smaxx]

Chuck Norris puts the fun in funeral.

[showtime]

Chuck Norris puts the laughter into Manslaughter!!

[Northy]

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.

[josh_smaxx]

Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

[Chrislong]

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure

[Belsten]

Chuck Norris doesnt wank, wank gets chucked

[i4n]

LoL! This topic has made me sign up and do my 1st post......

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer - pity Chuck has never cried.

Chuck Norris doesn't sleep - he waits.

When Chuck Norris does a push up he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

[tjpMT2]

Apparently under Chuck Norris' beard there isn't a chin, there's just another fist.

[ashleyb4]

I wonder who would win out of a fight between the stig, chuck norris and mr T

A

[josh_smaxx]

chuck norris, because chuck norris doesnt just have muscles, he has a muscle and a hydrolic jack in each arm.

[MitchB.]

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting. Hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

[RLGfx]

chuck norris isn't hung like a horse.... horses are hung like chuck norris

[dave g]

chuck norris's roundhouse kicks can be seen from space.

[Chrislong]

A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is “Charles”. Chuck
Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

[Scouser]

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in three moves.

[dave g]

chuck norris almost bet himself in an arm wrestling contest.

[big air]

Chuck Norris is Dead!!!


http://www.burnedbytheman.com/politics/rip-chuck-norris-dead-at-67-from-heart-failure/

[dave g]

as a baby,chuck norris breast fed his mother.

[sly]

Chuck Norris once entered an eating contest but was disqualified when he stopped eating hotdogs and started eating spectators.

[sly]

Buddha was actualy Chuck Norris after he ate all the food on the planet and got hyped up on morphein.

[sly]

96% of all women lose their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 4% are Fat

[sly]

Chuck Norris, who had grown tired of easy victories in fights, once fought himself to the death and won.

[sly]

In Vietnam, 30,000 Viet Kong casualties were Chuck Norris related. Of those 30,000, 29,999 were due to roundhouse kicks to the face. The other guy made the mistake of saying he could kick Chuck Norris's bearded ass.

[Bigwrenn]

Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag a lady......he potato sacks them ;).

[dave g]

chuck norris once deleted the internet..then reinstalled it

[Chrislong]

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down

[dave g]

time waits for no man,except chuck norris

the ice age didnt kill all the dinosaurs,chuck norris did

[Chrislong]

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

[Lee]

If Chuck Norris fell in love with a man, man love would become the new straight:D

[CraigM2610]

Chuck Norris can believe its not butter :D

[dave g]

chuck norris can have his cake and eat it

[Northy]

They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Cluedo, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

:lol::lol::lol::lol:

[MiCk B.]

Open the google home page:

Type: "Find Chuck Norris"

Click on "I'm feeling lucky"



MiCk B. :-)

[Southwell]

Open the google home page:

Type: "Find Chuck Norris"

Click on "I'm feeling lucky"



MiCk B. :-)

:thumbsup:Awesome!

[jim76]

ROFPMSL!!!

[burgie]

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma

[jim76]

Bigfoot takes pictures of Chuck Norris

[bigred5765]

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down

[bigred5765]

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
p+++ my self laughing

[twisty]

http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck
:D

[josh_smaxx]

Open the google home page:

Type: "Find Chuck Norris"

Click on "I'm feeling lucky"



MiCk B. :-)

HAHA, thats class :woot:

[Kopite]

Chuck Norris once ate 3 80oz steaks in an hour...

...he spent the first 45 minutes having sex with the waitress

[niggs98]

rumour has it that chuck norris has done the list of aproved cells for 08 blaming the long delay on the necessity to strength test every cell with a round house kick to the positive terminal. all went well untill a random ib4200 exploded removing a toe :O

[MikePimlott]

Open the google home page:

Type: "Find Chuck Norris"

Click on "I'm feeling lucky"



MiCk B. :-)

Thats Ace :thumbsup:

[trekkerkk]

chuck norris can drive faster than the stig

[niggs98]

chuck norris can drive faster than the stig

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm as no one is as fast as the stig and noone can beat chuck norris i can only assume that.............................................. ...




chuck norris is the stig :O

[Kopite]

jesus, i reckon you're right there!

[bigred5765]

if chuck sold cells
we would all kick ass
and yes they would be on the list
hell they would be the list

[trekkerkk]

yes i think i can now say that chuck norris is the stig

[Bathy]

Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

[Northy]

Just watching a Chuck Norris bio thing on tv - awesome! :D

Here's a new one for you all:

Chuck Norris does not have chest hair, he has millions of highly venomous nematocysts. You have virtually no chance of surviving the venomous sting, unless treated immediately. The pain is so excruciating and overwhelming that you would most likely go into shock and collapse a split second before getting hit in the face with a roundhouse kick.

[rcbrookey]

yes i think i can now say that chuck norris is the stig

Some say the there is no chin behind his helmet. Only a fist!

And he isten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

All we know is he is called the stig:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[Northy]

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) :)

G

[Garry Driffill]

We was on about Chuck Norris the other day - :( Then somone was killed.

[bodgit]

when chuck norris was younger he could bend a 1" iron bar over his member but had to give that up when he got arthritis in the wrists
http://www.super-smileys.com/images/smileys/409.gif (http://www.super-smileys.com/smileys/409/Adult/Boner.html)

[Garry Driffill]

:lol: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/videos.html :lol:

[jimarea51]

Hi all...

Just been in the US for a couple of weeks and stumbled across a fantastic TV series:-

http://www.sonypictures.com/tv/shows/walkertexasranger/

Freekin' awsome:woot:

JIm:p

[Garry Driffill]

Awsome! :wub

[Spoolio]

A giraffe is a horse that's had an uppercut from Chuck Norris.

[Garry Driffill]

Chuck Norris eats lightning and farts thunder.

[Col]

3 year bump...


http://looneyfun.com/img/demotivational-posters-gone-wild/demotivational-posters-gone-wild56.jpg

[DaSloth]

On the last page of the guiness book of records it states: All world records are held by chuck Norris, all the attempts in the previous pages and the closest anyone came to them!

:thumbsup::thumbsup: