"joke of the month" - Page 2

b4rs · #21 31-10-2007

i dont know why everyone is like, oh thts so low and in appropriate, jus av a laugh, life's life and things appen, u mite aswell see the funny side.

i got a few gudd'uns from the past...

whys santa's sack so full?

Because he only comes onces a year.....Ber bum chhh.

Why has Michael Barrymore not got any ashtrays? Because he puts his fags out in the pool

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag?
One's white, plastic and a danger to children, and the other carries your groceries.

As from may 2001 viagra will only be available through chemists under it's chemical name. Please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN.

A blonde girl walks into her local library and says to the clerk "Burger and large fries please". The clerk says "Excuse me young lady but this is a library!" So she leans over the counter and whispers "Sorry I'll have a burger and large fries please"

A bloke walks into the bar with a lump of tar on his head he asks the barman for a pint and one for the road.

Two dollops of sick were walking down the street, they turned the corner into the next street and one of the sick dollops starts crying. "What's up with you?" says the other sick dollop and the one crying says " I always get sentimental when I walk up this street it's where I was brought up"

A Grasshopper sits down at the bar and the bartender comes over and says "Hay we got a drink named after you in here." The grasshopper says "Great I'll have a Steve then."

Southwell · #22 31-10-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by b4rs

i dont know why everyone is like, oh thts so low and in appropriate, jus av a laugh, life's life and things appen, u mite aswell see the funny side.

Because it is inappropriate, idiot.

What would you think if your mum got killed and someone came along and made a joke out of it?

rcracer · #23 31-10-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Southwell

Because it is inappropriate, idiot.

What would you think if your mum got killed and someone came along and made a joke out of it?

Well said m8

mattym0310 · #24 01-11-2007

a man walked into a bar... Ouch!

a man walked into a bar after a hard days work, sat down on a stool and noticed he just put his foot in a pile of dog c**p. "oh no" he said, "all over my brand new shoes".
so he moced across to the next stool.
another guy walks in and the exact same thing, putting his foot in that pile of dog poo. so the first man turned to the second man and said "ah yeh, i did that!"
so the second guy punched him and said "ya dirty bugger"

Albertini · #25 01-11-2007

Vet turns to Farmer Paddy and says.

"I'm afraid your cattle have blue tongue."

Paddy says.

"F*** me, I didn't even know they had mobiles."

racingdwarf · #26 01-11-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Albertini

Vet turns to Farmer Paddy and says.

"I'm afraid your cattle have blue tongue."

Paddy says.

"F*** me, I didn't even know they had mobiles."

Oh God

tc2k · #27 01-11-2007

for a laugh

http://www.explosm.net/comics

Chris Green · #28 01-11-2007

Hahaha

http://www.explosm.net/comics/89/

josh_smaxx · #29 01-11-2007

http://www.explosm.net/comics/96/

So randomly wrong

Chris Green · #30 02-11-2007

Two Texas farmers, Steve and Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Steve turns to Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the community college, and sign up for some classes."

Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.

The next day, Steve goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Steve says. "What's that?"

The dean says, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"Yeah."

"Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard."

"That's true, I do have a yard."

"I'm not done," the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house."

"Yes, I do have a house."

"And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family."

"Yes, I have a family."

"I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife.

And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual."

"I am a heterosexual. That's amazing; you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater."

Excited to take the class now, Steve shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Bob at the bar. He tells Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

"Logic?" Bob says, "What's that?"

Steve says, "I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?"

"No."

"Then you're a queer"

matt · #31 02-11-2007

Mr Cadbury and miss Rowntree met on a Double Deker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend.

On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, He had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.

He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said
I'm the one with the nuts he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked into a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned off the lights for a bit of Black Magic.

It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, So she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight.

When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie.
She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished of by giving her a Gob Stopper.

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife,Caramel.
Sadly, 3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts!!!

b4rs · #32 02-11-2007

ok i can see wot your saying but i didnt mean about that kind of stuff, i apologize, on a brighter note, this is rather funny......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtJRNyPK-lc
watch all of it, wait for the subtitles lol.

the verses make me piss ma self

Chris Green · #33 07-11-2007

A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween
party.

The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.

So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.

As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he
acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself,
he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.

After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, "I'll tell you,
I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."

You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm. To which the husband replied...

"Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."

Slimboyfat · #34 07-11-2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by matt

Mr Cadbury and miss Rowntree met on a Double Deker, it was After Eight. She was from Quality Street, he was a Fisherman's Friend.

On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar, He had a Rum and Butter, she had a Wine Gum.

He asked her name, "Polo, I'm the one with the hole" she said
I'm the one with the nuts he thought! Then he touched her Milky Way.

They checked into a hotel, and went straight to the bedroom. Mr Cadbury turned off the lights for a bit of Black Magic.

It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt her Cream Egg. He fondled her Flap Jacks then he showed her Curly Wurly and Tic Tacs.

Miss Rowntree wasn't keen to have any Jelly Babies, So she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard via her Party Ring. He was pleased as he always fancied a bit of Fudge. It was a magic moment as she let out a scream of Turkish Delight.

When he pulled out, his fun size Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie.
She wanted more, but he needed Time Out, however, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetizing. He did a Twirl, had a Picnic in her Sherbet Dip and finished of by giving her a Gob Stopper.

Unfortunately, Mr Cadbury then had to go home to his wife,Caramel.
Sadly, 3 days later his Magnum lolly started to drip. It turned out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Basset who had Allsorts!!!

Brilliant, lol

ashleyb4 · #35 07-11-2007

haha love it